Advice please on son and fiance relationship?

I need some honest serious advice from. I am seriously not sure how to deal with this or how to approach this situation. Or even know if i am asking to much.





My fiance and I got engaged 4 mnths ago, however, we have been on and off for the last 5 yrs as boyfriend and girlfriend. We are very much in love with one another.... This is the thing I have a 6 yr old son, and he is obviously not the father. I met him when my son was a year old, so he has been around since my son was little, however, he was never close to him. He told me when we were dating he doesnt want to get close to him incase him and I broke up, it wouldnt be fair to the kid. Which I agreed. A few months before we got engaged we were talking alot about getting engaged and married, So I told him that I wanted him to be more like a father figure to my son and be more involved and close to him. That conversation didnt go well at all. He told me I was crazy for even asking him something like that. I didnt think I was, i know he isnt his ';FATHER';, however, if im going to marry a man i want him to be a father figure in my sons life and I want that man involved like he was his son.... Esp since my sons father isnt around at all. So that was that, we got into an argument about it and then I just let it go after a few days.... I figured we werent engaged or married so maybe he was right, maybe I was crazy to ask him to be a father figure... which i really dont believe that, but i let it go. Now almost a year after that fight.... we are engaged and planning on getting married by next fall. And I want to talk to him about being more involved and more like a father figure in my sons life. I dont want to feel alone and like i am a single mother anymore. I want him to be there for everything when it comes to my son, bdays, dr visits, discipline, bedtime, brushing teeth, school funtions, just basic daddy help, etc... anything he would do if it was our biological child together.


He gets along with my son fine, and he will play video games with him and thats where it ends.


Like on his days off from work when im working, I think it would bee nice for him to come pick my son up and hang out with him well i am still at work... come take him off the bus and bring him back to his moms house or stay at my house with him as he would if it was our child together. (we are currently saving money to move to an apartment, I live at my moms and he is at his moms right now) Not that it matters but alot of people ask I am 26 and he is 34, so we are two mature adults.


When we broke up he had dated a girl and got her pregnant, so he has a 2 yr old son. I feel that my son and his son should see each other, play and have the chance to bond and grow up together, I mean they are going to be step brothers in a few months.... But that hasnt happened. When he has his son he stays at his moms and thats that. I am usually working, however, my son is home with my mom, I think that my fiance should pick my son up and have them hang out and spend time together this way my son and fiance have time to bond and connect... and this way he can spend time with his step brother. On days that I am not working and he has his son, which is rare, but it has happened a few times, my fiance doesnt even try to invite us over nor try to make any type of plans or arrangements to get the kids and all of us together as a family. I think its really important for my son to be close and bond with my fiance on a father like basis and be comfortable with him. I feel that his son and my son should have a close brotherly relationship. As well as myself and his son having a good relationship. Am I wrong or asking to much? Is this ok? I guess I am questioning myself because I am scared. Im scared because the last time I approached him about it, he told me i was crazy to ask him something like that. And he hasnt even tried to do any of this. So I dont know. How do I go about talking to him about this, what do i say, how do i say it.... im really not sure, and im really nervous and scared to talk to him about this. But its something really really important to me!!! It has been since I asked him last year. But now its definitly important because we are getting married, and he is going to be his step father, and my son is going to have a step brother. And I think my son deserves that from the man that I am going to marry.





Please any advice agreeing or not would be very helpful and appreciated. THANK YOU EVERYONEAdvice please on son and fiance relationship?
Sorry to say, but you should not be engaged -- what you want out of a family and what he wants are RADICALLY opposite. Until you are both on the same page you are just asking for a disaster to happen.


(p.s., I agree with you)Advice please on son and fiance relationship?
I hate to tell you this but maybe your fiance isn't the one for you. If he is 34 and can't be a father figure to his step son then what kind of husband will he be? This shows me that he is not willing to commit to your life that he wants to become a part of. Your life includes your son and if he won't accept that then you cannot accept him.
i know it is the biggest understatement ever but in my opinion, you should think twice abot marrying this man. If he doesnt care about commiting to you and your family, how will your marriage work out in the future. Also the fact that he got a woman pregnant during your off and on relationship is a sign that he is not very committed and that he cant really be trusted. He is very rude about not being anything more than a mere ';friend'; to your son, and he should be happy that you are accepting his biological child. yet instead, he shoves you out of part of his life and doesnt think twice while doing it either. I know it will be a difficult task, but i think you should have a long talk with him. if i was in your situation, i would just let go of him. good luck and i hope i helped.