Need advice on my husbands father/son relationship?

When my husband was a child, his father was a sort of ';off and on'; dad. He was married to his mom for a long time, but there was cheating and he would just come and go. He didn't give my husband that total father-son relationship a young boy deserves. His step-dad came around when he was 12 and though they butted heads in the beginning, him and my husband, now 28, are the best of friends and he considers him his dad. We have a 5 year old son now and my husband is a great guy and father to him. That has never been the issue. My husband is insecure and needs constant reassurance. In his job, in his everyday life, in the games he plays, etc. He almost expects me to tell him how handsome he is EVERY time he walks past me. He obsesses over things. If he starts something, a book, movie, something in his game, he HAS to finish it or he will sit there and think about it till it is done. It isn't like he is sitting there unable to do anything, it is just in the back of his mind until it is done. He has anger issues too. Nothing that affects the marriage (no physical beating of me or my son or anything), but just gets angry easy. Here is my take on it and let me know if I am wrong or way off. He is a grown man with a son of his own now and knows how wonderful it is to have that little guy hang onto your every word (also he knows how annoying them kids can be but he is still here!!!!). My thought process is that he is questioning why his father couldn't find the love in his heart to stick around and be his dad. Like, ';what was wrong with me that he couldn't love me as I love my son?'; And that affects him profoundly. He has to finish things because his father didn't finish with him. He gets angry becuase he hasn't addressed his father in any of this. His mom was a wonderful mother and did anything she could to make him happy. However, when we mention his father at all (we do talk to him from time to time and just went to Montana to visit him in March), she gets really angry and even cried on my husbands shoulders after we got back from the visit. Saying that he hurt her feelings in seeing him because he didn't deserve my husbands company at all. She is looking at it like a scorned ex-wife and not as a son who may just need one question answered . . . why couldn't he be my dad? Her reaction, though warranted because of the way the father treated her, upset me as a mom. If my husband ever did this to our son and then our son needed some sort of closure, I would just have to sit back and let him. So please, I know this was long, but any advice would be great. Thanks.Need advice on my husbands father/son relationship?
sounds like the step father was the father. the first one was a biological donor and quite selfish. He needs to let it go. He needs to be his own man and do things with the step father.





The insecurity could have come from mom with constant praise for every thing he did. He has to learn to deal with anger like the rest of us. A lot of time we let kids do things until we get mad. Stop them sooner and save yourself the grief. That's what I started to do. I can't think of an example, but if you look for it you will see it.


Sounds like he needs to get a way from what ever game he is playing and do things with you and the kid. They grow up fast.