I think I just ruined my relationship with my daughter? parents need some advice?

My daughter is 18 years old her boyfriend is 24 years old, I didn't have a problem with them dating. He is a very nice young man I like him I know he would never hurt my daughter. But yesterday my daughter brought her boyfriend here, he asked me if he could marry my daughter, I said no not right now and to wait a year or two. Then my daughter came in crying and asked why she can't marry him I just said they're to young. She said to me why won't I let her be happy. I don't know what to do me and my daughter are very close I am a single father she is all I have, she won't talk to me and avoids me in the house.I think I just ruined my relationship with my daughter? parents need some advice?
She is in love and in her eyes nothing else matters. She is also very young and does not understand why you are so concerned. Here in Australia anyone who is 18 and over can marry without parental permission, I am not sure where you are but if the law is the same where you are as it is here then she can get married whether you like it or not. I think you should support her regardless and if the marriage fails or does not go ahead then be a shoulder to cry on. She will need it. I am scared too even though my twins are only 18 months now I am dreading the day when they leave the nest but I will always support them and be there for them. Hope things turn out ok. Take careI think I just ruined my relationship with my daughter? parents need some advice?
What about a long engagement?


like a year or two...





She is 18yrs,,,she doesn't realllly need your permission...they were just asking for your blessing...which is very sweet of them to consider you and be so traditional.





There is nothing wrong with being engaged...


Consider and discuss it with her.


It is a happy compromise
She's not too young to marry.





You are afraid of losing her.





Let her fly. You will gain a son-in-law.





Tell her you would like to spesk to her.





Ask her, ';When';?
Although you are right, they didn't have to ask, they could have just gotten engaged! You can talk to them til you're blue in the face and there is NOTHING you can do or say to convince them they are to young! Now is when you have to stand back and let her make her own mistakes and learn from them! I would tell her that you still feel they are to young, but you won't stand in the way if they are bound and determined to get married.
Stick with your decision sh will get over it or she will jsut end up marrying him. You should tell her stay with him another year or another half a year, whichever you choose, and if they are still together then they have you permision.
I agree 100% with Silly's answer. I eloped at 17. We are still married and have no regrets for marrying young. If I had to do it over I would have obtained my career first.
just give her some time to realize that your just looking out for the best of her.


i think what you did was right


dont go back on it


time heals everything
You said the right thing man, You based your answer on experience; she on feeling. You cant always be on the 'good' side of your kids. If they decide to go against your wisdom hopefully down the road they will appreciate what you advised.
well, she IS very young. try to explain to her that marriage is not necessary happiness and they should maybe just to live together first and see if they manage on their own. Specially if she is behaving so childish, she clearly is not mature for marriage yet.


Good luck!
THE RIGHT AGE FOR MARRIAGE


Leaving out the opinions on this, I’m going to cover the facts of what’s it’s like to be in a “LONG TERM” relationship.





First, it is an established statistical fact that relationships involving people who co-habitat and/or get married prior to age 24 have an 85% failure rate. Biologically, this is when females reach full mature on the physical, emotional, and hormonal levels. At this point, a woman is fully prepared to have and handle children, as well as a male that is still not fully mature.





Males don’t reach full physical and hormonal maturity until age 30. This is also when they reach their peak emotional maturity, but not to the point of being fully independent. Half of the male emotional health comes from a woman. The biochemical frequency range of the male brain adjusts itself to match that of the female, developing an emotional symbiotic relationship.





Couples who begin cohabiting and/or get married prior to age 24 can find themselves drawing away from each other as each reaches full maturity. Their whole view of the world, and each other, changes. This doesn’t happen to all couples, but clearly it is a factor in most relationship breakdowns.





In a couple, who has made the right choices, and found that person who truly compliments them, a symbiotic relationship develops also on the physical level. There is a reason why humans were designed to be monogamous. It comes down to the sexual experience that goes beyond pleasure and reproduction.





Seminal plasma (fluid carrying semen) and vaginal fluids contain addition chemicals that the other sex needs. Chemicals in seminal plasma help strengthen the Uterine Wall, not only making it stronger for the carrying of a fetus, but also because the uterus provides physical support for other organs, such as the bladder and the intestinal tract. For males, vaginal fluid reinforces their immune system and affects future production of semen. But, there’s a downside.





The human body adapts to the specific molecular makeup of the seminal plasma and vaginal fluid. The two bodies develop a symbiotic relationship that becomes dependent upon the other. Having multiple partners keeps these functions in constant disarray, always trying to adapt to a new molecular makeup, affecting the overall health of the individual.





This is one of the reasons, and benefits, of developing a long term monogamous relation. For men, there are additional reasons.





A married male lives 20 years longer than a single male, on average. Aside from the physical symbiosis, because a woman provides emotional support, he has less stress, an overall cause of frequent death in males.





For a female, her reproductive and sexual health last longer, not only with the ability to reproduce into her 40s and even 50s, but also continue the ability for sexual pleasure well into the later years.





A monogamous couple become a single, symbiotic unit, standing ready to take on what the world throws at them. They provide the umbrella of strength for the family and the protection of the children. They are core from which the children draw their knowledge and experience of what a family should be, so that they may follow the example of the parents, when they reach maturity and venture out into the world.





This is what it is truly like to be in a relationship, when you make the right choices.





Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Proper-…





The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Pro…








Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage, Your Life


http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Woman-P…
you have not ruined you relationship. shes a girl being 18. sit her down and talk to her about it. listen to what she has to say and make sure she listens to you. maybe you can come to some sort of a compromise. just let her know you love her and you will support her.
I think I would just tell her...





';Honey, you know I love you. You know I've always done the best I could for you. And you know that I want whats best for you. I think you and ';Adam'; make a fine couple, and I think that it's great that you've found someone that makes you happy, but if he's so wonderful and if it really is true love, then there's nothing wrong with waiting. You have my full blessing to marry him if that's what you want to do, as long as you have at least a year long engagement. You're going to spend the rest of your life with him, what's wrong with taking a year to plan it right? I know you're disappointed, but honestly, I've been down this road myself and all I ask is that you be his fiance for a year first...you have the rest of your life to be his wife.';








How's that?
I too am the daughter of a single father. My advise to you would be to sit down with her and discuse an engagement. You should be engaged for a couple of years prior anyways I think! Get to know all the pet peives, attitudes and just plane ol' lean if you guys can live together. And that would make both of you happy! Give her time to grow up, give him time to make sure this is what he wants and helps you out with the age. This is what I did we got engaged at 20 had our first child at 22 and i am now 23 getting married in 8 days! lol Life just happens. As long as she is happy thats all that really matters right?
';Then my daughter came in crying and asked why she can't marry him ';


';She said to me why won't I let her be happy';





This proves that you are right and she is too young (and immature) to be married. Be patient, she'll thank you later.
You didn't ruin it. We all think we're adult enough to handle marriage and children at 18. Remember, we know everything at that age. Asking them to wait a year or two may feel like forever to her, but you aren't wrong. Your job as a parent is to try to properly guide your children, even when they are ';adults';.





As far as I can see, you have two options:





1. Try to sit her down to discuss why you want her to wait a year or so. She hasn't even experienced living on her own yet, being legally able to have a beer if she wants, spending a semester in college. She may not realize it now but it sucks to be the underage one in a relationship when you live together. Try to discuss bill payments, tuition, health insurance, etc. that they will be having to carry on their own. Keep in mind, she's more emotional as a teenager so expect tears and anger. You want her to think through all the things marriage requires. Tell her you will give her your blessing if she can show you their game plan.





2. You can also walk the line of giving her your blessing if she would wait a year to plan the wedding and offer her your financial help with the wedding itself if she does so. I dated someone who was divorced, they had gotten married at 18 and divorced at 21, his mom helped with the wedding but made it very clear that she would only help this one time. Sometimes you just have to let them learn for themselves.
No, you did not ruin your relationship with your daughter; however, you need to realize that she no longer a child. Although I agree that she is way too young to marry him, it is her life and her right to marry if she wants, just be there for her when times get tough and don't judge her for making mistakes.
I think you did the right thing, 18 is legal but barely. Sit her down, talk to her. Explain to her that she has a lot of time before she gets married, and that she should live her life first.





She will thank you when she is older, trust me.
you should tell her that whatever she wants to do your fine with it and ask her if you could ask some questions. if she lets you, start asking her boyfriend and her some questions to see how much they know about each other. for example family background, how she likes the room temperature to be, if she likes a soft mattress or hard, allergies, allergic to anything, just basically questions to see how much they know about each other and what they perfer or not. when asking these questions their eyes will open and see if they are ready or not. marriages won't work if spouses don't know anything about each other. also make sure that they will always be honest and faithful to each other by asking questions on if so and so cheated what would they do, if they would stay.....
Sit her down and talk through why you dont want her to get married.


She is too young and has her life, future and career to think about. She needs to realize that marriage doesnt mean happiness and theres a big chance she will regret it. And include how much it would cost etc.
Try not to think of yourself as a single father. Try to think of yourself as a father who's daughter is growing up and wants to start her own life with the man she loves. (the other man she loves)





It is a trying time for her and she is making the biggest decision of her life right now and needs your support, and your trust.


She has chosen this guy and wants to commit. It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing, and a natural, normal thing.





And who knows, she may be pregnant and not want to tell you. (sorry dad)





If you already know and like the fellow there shouldn't be a problem.





Have a good old fashioned talk with the guy. See how committed he is. They are young and just starting their lives, you can't hold them back, it would only make matters worse.





So what is the worst thing that could happen? She will still be your daughter, you will have a son too, and with a little time, grandbabies.





You have to give her a little slack. Tell her you are afraid of losing her. She will understand. She does love you and always will. Trust her. She is growing up and needs your approval.





What's the old saying? If you love something, set it free, it will come back.


And that boy had a lot of guts and integrity to come and ask you himself. You could do a whole lot worse, and so could she. Remember when you were young? To wait a year or two is torture.





Go talk to the boy.








edit: There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Life has too many variables. I am 54 years old and have been a single parent forever, (of two families of children)


I loused up in the mating game, and have seen many others do the same. But I have also seen young people marry early like your daughter wishes and embark on a life long honeymoon.





The most important thing she needs is unconditional love and family support. There are no guarantees in life, you just have to make the best choices you can at the time and hang on to those you love as you ride out the rough spots. And consider that boy, that man, as one of those you love. He is a huge part of your daughter's life and she is a huge part of yours.





I can't promise you things will work out, it's a gamble. But are there any REAL reasons why these two young people couldn't make it? Not statistics, but reasons why THEY personally could not build a life together?


Are they compatible, do they want the same things, do they want to travel the same road and go to the same place? And most importantly-are they friends?
shes 18 its time to let her go. By saying no your pushing her away in a couple of weeks the fact that shes 18 will kick in and she will marry him anyway and then you wont have much to do with it. grandbabys come after that i mean come on you want to be in there life dont you?





its hard but let her go.
Did you say no really because you feel they are too young or because you want to keep her a little while longer? It's something to think about. Consider that many engagement last at least a year and reconsider, ask them to dinner and have a serious talk. Tell them you aren't against them getting married but you feel that waiting a year or two would be good for them- whether they get engaged now or later. That said, you also need to realize that asking a father's permission is really a formality- something the man does as a courtesy to the woman he loves and her family... they are adults and do not legally need your permission to get married.
Your daughter was attempting to make you a part of her decision, she was not required to get your approval. It may not be what you want, but it seems to be what they want. Letting go is the hardest part and being a single parent only magnifies the pain of loosing your baby to another man whose job is to step in and take care of her.





You should come to terms, before you loose her. good luck to you all!
This to shall pass. While she legally doesn't need your permission to marry b/c she is over 18 I would not condone it, I was a 19 year old bride and was waaaaay to young to be tied down in marriage even though I had been living on my own for 2 years.
Coming from someone who is 18, you definitely did the right thing! I can not imagine being engaged right now! I just finished my first year of college, I am just enjoying my life and planning out my future. Are they really prepared to be with one another for 60+ years!? They're both going to still change personalities and wants most likely and who knows if they'll still want to be with each other after they change?





The divorce rate is already around 52% and it's even higher for people who marry young and whose parent's are single. They should not rush it at all. It's great she found someone she loves and who respects her, but why can't they wait two more years at least?





My mom was married at 19 and divorce when she was 45 (I was 10). I'm scared to even think about getting married now because the odds are against those who get married and I do not want my marriage to end in a divorce. I do not want to get married until I'm at least 25, because the longer I wait and know someone, the better the chances are that we will fit with each other even more.





But, she is 18 so if she does choose to become engaged, I hope you do support her with everything. She's got to make her own mistakes sometimes, even though you want to protect her from being hurt.





Good luck with everything.