Advice needed please...I'm in a relationship with a guy who lost his fiancee on September 11th, 2001?

I am just hoping to identify with someone who can give me some help with this. I am in love with a guy and he lost his fiancee on 9/11/01. It's hard to explain, but I always feel like I am in competition with a ghost. He doesn't talk about her unless I bring her up, but it's just kinda hard. I know a part of him will always be with her and I am afraid that I will not have his heart like she did. He tells me that I mean alot to him and that he loves me, but he has a hard time telling me that. I know that I am in this for the long haul, but I just feel like I will never measure up to her. She was his everything and I can only hope to be just that for him one day. Does anybody have any advice they can give me about this. He and I have been together 5 months the 19th of this month. He is so precious, it's just that I am struggling with a ghost from his past. =(Advice needed please...I'm in a relationship with a guy who lost his fiancee on September 11th, 2001?
what you are trying to do is believing that you could make him get past his past.


The truth is you will never replace the women he loved because you are different people.


Instead try and support him through his struggle.


Don't try and be in competition with her (this is your primitive instict forcing you to do so, it is natural).


I am sure he loves you but trying to make him forget his dead fiancee is not a possibility.Advice needed please...I'm in a relationship with a guy who lost his fiancee on September 11th, 2001?
9-11 was a very traumatizing event. Especially if you lost someone. He's always going to have a piece of his fiancee on his mind.


The best thing is to be there for him and comfort him. And try to help him not dwell on the past. Dont force him and let him get on with it himself.


I think that after awhile, he will focus on the rest of life and less on his fiancee.


All he needs right now is time and comfort.
Hi


I cannot identify exactly with your situation, but I am also in a relationship with some who has lost his wife a few years ago.


In my situation I have made up my mind to treasure her memories as he does. But she is gone and we are now making our own memories. It does not hurt me to think of her as someone in his past. When he does make a comment ( very seldom), I listen attentively and ask some questions. Once it is talked about we leave it at that.


You say he loves you, that is great..don't poison your relationship with your negative thoughts.


good luck and much happiness.



well you have to understand losing somebody especially on that day is not and will never be compatible to you guys relationship. I'm sorry to say but you guys are still fresh its only been 5 months. and the best thing you can do is give him support at this time of need it takes someone like him to even be dealing with a relationship right now after all he went through.you are lucky to even be with him, some people don't get over situations like that its really hard and you have to understand he loved her they were suppose to get married that wasn't just no regular relationship he was gonna commit his self to her. by him just dealing with you right now that shows he loves you and cares about you because if he didn't you two would not have lasted this long .he will come around very soon don't be jealous ,you have no reason to be you have him,show him that you understand, show him that you are supporting him through this big loss. think of it as if the shoe was on the other foot every year you have to mourn your lost love one, you my have someone at the time but that person will never i repeat never know what you going through or know how you fee. just be there for him and stop thinking about yourself he needs support that's the least u can do. good luck

chap balm