What constitutes enabling? How do you avoid doing so? Is a relationship possible? What kind of limits do you set? At what point do you exit the relationship? This person realizes that she has to save herself, that other people can't do it for her, but her record in going through the 12 steps is spotty %26amp; she periodically falls off the wagon. She is insecure, socially awkward %26amp; drinks to overcome that, among other reasons. She takes Vicodin because of occasional excruciating and disabling pain from a herniated disk, the result of a drunken fall. This medication sometimes interferes with her work. She has bronchitis from smoking. I don't know whether she has hit rock bottom, or what constitutes that. I have tried to be authentic and honest with her, telling her she is on a self-destructive path, needs to get into rehab, detox, change her lifestyle and friends. She's extremely intelligent, well-off, successful, beautiful, %26amp; talented. She has a lot to live for, but she's killing herself.Any advice for someone who has been in a relationship with an alcoholic/prescription drug addict/smoker?
You cant help someone that doesn't want to help themselves.....just focus on them words because you have to leave people to make there own decisions even thoughts shes talented she probably has other issues that she needs to sort or and the smoking covers the pain up......So talk to her more and ask her how her day was.
Because people tend to smoke when there bored.Any advice for someone who has been in a relationship with an alcoholic/prescription drug addict/smoker?
As painful as the memory is, maybe my perspective will help you. It doesn't sound like she's hit bottom, but she's on her way and taking you with her, albeit slowly. You have to be strong enough to say ';I love you too much to watch you kill yourself and do nothing.'; If she can't summon the strenghth to adhere to a reasonable level of sobriety, through counseling and the support of you and other loved ones, she's only going to suck the life out of you; not be a partner in life itself. She will die, and you will be sure there was something you could've done to save her. Get it? You have to accept her as she is(or worse), and all the pain that WILL come with that, or distance yourself enough to realize what is really the most likely future with (or without) her.
Many things can be consider enabling and that is very hard for family members and love ones to digest. If your buying the alcohol, giving them money to buy it, holding her head up when she is sick, comforting after a night of drinking, joining her in drinking. 12 steps is a good program to maintain sobriety, but she sounds that she needs more. Treatment, you can take her to a treatment facility who will evaluate her and decide weather she would benefit from inpatient and detox or out patient, I don't know the whole case but sounds like she could use a detox. Your placed in a tough spot, because its someone you love. If she does not get the help needed is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Are you willing to sacrifice your life to stand by someone who is committing a slow suicide? Your local hospital or clients can guide you to near by treatment facility's. I can go on, but I think that's the gist of it.
Al anon will give you all of those answers...also I don't know where you live, but the Betty Ford clinic has a wonderful family program.(Rancho Mirage, CA) You don't have to have a family member going there for treatment, you can just go. I live in Texas...it was well worth the trip and $$, my husband was a patient there at the time.
Unfortunately there is not much you can do, but be there if the person wants help...within reason.
Good Luck! Its not easy! There is alot to learn!
If you love her you will give her the option to go and get help and you'll stand by her, and or you have to get out of her life. This is the honest truth cold or not. She is going to end up in the hospital, jail, institutionalized or in the morgue. All B/S aside this is going to affect you one way or the other. Often when you are with a addict you become one of some sort. The drugs ( alcohol is a drug) has to go first and then she can start on the smoking which is also a drug but she has to take it one step at a time and one day at a time and she has to change her friends and her surounding that use the drugs. It is not impossible I lost friends I had for over thirty years. But they made it easy with there comments. I like me, maybe no one else does because I will not listen to the excuses that they makeup for using. I tell them flat out. Family and all. I have a large family and 95% are addicts. So I get a little loney for sober company and they have AA and NA meetings to atttend. But she has to be careful who she socializes with or she will go down the same path. It is one day at a time and most times when in recovery a relaspe is possible, but to have the goals to come back and not hate ones self should be taught to this person and all addicts. I have pain every day but because I'm a addict I live with it. It is in my lower, upper back and my shoulder and in my wrist hands and fingers. I some times can not type or do very little. Until they find out what is wrong I deal with it or the doctor gives me a shot in my shoulder and tells me to rest. My family does not understand rest because I'm only 45. They have been to lazy and I had to pickup their slack in house repairs and remodeling. I thought I was going to die. I cried because of the pain ( alone so no one could make fun ). My mother just made fun of me last night and I told her one day she may feel the same that she does not understand and should never make fun of someone but she is a little off and has done this all of my living days. What kind of up bringing do you think I had? It is her house and I should have walked away years ago, but she is my mom. All addicts in recovery need a stable non using person to be there to help them through the hard times. No one needs more pain added to their life most likely she has been medicating her pain within her heart. She will swim or drown. And you can not save her she has to save herself. Good Luck and God Bless.
Okay.... i'm 20 years old and the women that you described sounds exatly like my mother. All my life i tried to help my mother with her drug and alcoholic problems. Ive put her into 3 different rehabs, tried locking her in the bedroom to detox her for a week. I have tried just about everything to help my mother. I also thought she was going to kill herself by falling drunk or a drug over dose. I have learned that no matter how bad you don't want to tell them that what they are doing is hurting you must. You have to hurt there feekings to get them to open there eyes. I know that sounds crazy but it worked for my mom. I stopped enabling her and i told her exactly how i felt about what she was doing. She is college now. She still drinks a little and does drugs but she isn't as bad as she was. I know that the women you are talking about probably has the most kick *** personality and is so cute and funny. Don't give up on her just yet. People can change. You have to get god into her life somehow, if you believe in him, i know there are alot of athiest people that are on here but hope you believe. Tell her to rebuke the devil and say a big prayer for her. Other then that it is all up to her. Only if she accepts the help and opens her heart up to god. Good luck. I wish i could meet her. I bet i could talk to her and help her. Ive helped alot of older women with drug problems and alcoholism. Tell her to be strong.
Unfortunetely she really does need to want to help herself before anything can be done. There is definitely some underlying issues that she may also be unaware of thats causing her the addictive issues. Addiction is known as a ';disease';, but is a very treatable ';disease'; if the person experiences wants help. She also needs to figure out what is causing her to be this way. Please try your hardest to have her seek a social services or medical professional to help her on her way to recovery.
Take care,
-JoeSSW
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